It's not the best of worlds that we live in. There's good but then there's bad too. Sometimes there's pain and agony. Sometimes you need to do the right thing and free someone from suffering.
I have a problem, you know? I get attached. Too much, too soon. Letting go is a phrase that didn't exist in my world a while ago. I didn't understand back then that only the bravest of the brave can let go.
My journey began when I was still very young. The world was only full of chocolates and candies for me. Bitterness, pain, cruelty didn't exist in my little bubble of life. I was one of those children who would bring every animal or bird, injured or not injured to my home and nurture them, take them to vets and sometimes NGOs. I am sure my parents had a very hard time but they wanted to teach me compassion. I used to think that I could talk to animals and I very strongly believed that they talked back in a different language. Mom didn't break an eight year old's belief. I wasn't entirely wrong, I suppose.
I grew up to become a veterinarian. Now I like to think that not only I can treat animals but I can also talk to them. Yes, the belief still stays. Sometimes you just look in their eyes and you know what they want.
It wasn't long before I realized that I can't save every living being. I was shattered. This is where my problem of letting go began. After studying so hard for 5 years, working so much, proving so many things to so many people, I started with my first job at an animal rescue centre. The place is called ResQ. Young, 23 year old me was ready to face the challenges of the world. ResQ is a place very close to my heart. A place that has taught me the meaning of life.
Life wasn't very merry here. I saw so many cruelty cases, so many trauma cases that it broke my heart. Some didn't make it till the end even when I put in everything that I had. I used to cry sometimes at night. I started loving animals more and humans less. The concept of selfless love became clearer to me because of these mute animals. And this is when I was faced with euthanasia practically. I was angry with myself and upset. How could I decide the end? Why should I decide the end and why should I do it? And then a case came that changed me. Or at least helped me think in the other direction.
It was a paralysis case. Spinal break. The dog felt pain even when I touched him. Xrays showed me that it wasn't something I or anyone else could fix. The doggy seemed better after the painkiller and he was looking at me. Just like that with a shine in his eye. A few minutes later,he pooped. He couldn't get up from his place to poop. His usual job on the street was to fend food for himself, find places to sleep, protect the street from bad people and play with his buddies. It made me sad that he wouldn't be able to do any of that. There was no way out. Even if I adopted him, he wouldn't be happy because he wouldn't get the life he used to. He would never be happy again. He would die in pain and agony.
With all these thoughts in my head, I sat beside him and he put his head on my Lap and I had my answer right there. The answer was to let him go while he was still comfortable than to let him reach a stage where he would curse life. It was the kindest thing I could have done as a veterinarian. This also answered my question of why I should decide. I know as a vet, that there are things noone in this world can fix, and for that, I have been chosen. Letting go is a way of fixing. That dog was going to suffer, and by letting go, I took his misery away. It's a way of life. It doesn't make any vet in this world unkind or unjust. It definitely makes our life more difficult but it's a way of making the world a better place. A more compassionate place.